Chris Socha

View Chris's gallery | Click here to send donations to this grower.

Mustache Name
Smitty
Age
28
What is Your Hometown?
Neenah, WI
Mustache Inspiration
The Robin Yount rookie card I keep stuffed in my underwear.
Number of Mustaches Grown
0
Hobbies
Fighting fires, handing out speeding tickets, polishing my hand gun collection, rehursing with my Frank Zappa Tribute Band.
Does your significant other like your mustache?
That's none of his and/or her damn business.
My mustache makes me look like...
a youthful Wilford Brimley (before he took such a negative stance on cockfighting).
What would you consider to be the optimal accessory for your Mustache?
A copy of the most recent Mustache Aficionado magazine.
Jason Giambi: Steroid-freak, yet friend of the Mustache. Are you conflicted?
I am a friend to all mustache men . . . except for Jason Giambi. Regardless of his steroid use, I haven't been able to tolerate the man since he left the Alaska Goldpanners. What a sellout.
In what setting will you be / are you most proud of your mustache?
At home in my closet (it helps soak up the tears).
Mustaches and Full-size vans: Creepy, or poised to make a
come-back?
Both and neither.
With a looming financial crisis, how do you anticipate your mustache making a difference (in a macro-economic sense)?
Using the formula M x V = P x Q where M is mustache supply, V is the velocity of mustache growth, P is the price payed in donations and Q is the quantity of mustaches; I expect that P will be higher than forecasted. Please don't ask to see my work.