Chris Socha

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Mustache Name: Smitty
Age: 28
What is Your Hometown?: Neenah, WI
Mustache Inspiration: The Robin Yount rookie card I keep stuffed in my underwear.
Number of Mustaches Grown: 0
Hobbies: Fighting fires, handing out speeding tickets, polishing my hand gun collection, rehursing with my Frank Zappa Tribute Band.
Does your significant other like your mustache?: That's none of his and/or her damn business.
My mustache makes me look like...: a youthful Wilford Brimley (before he took such a negative stance on cockfighting).
What would you consider to be the optimal accessory for your Mustache?: A copy of the most recent Mustache Aficionado magazine.
Jason Giambi: Steroid-freak, yet friend of the Mustache. Are you conflicted?: I am a friend to all mustache men . . . except for Jason Giambi. Regardless of his steroid use, I haven't been able to tolerate the man since he left the Alaska Goldpanners. What a sellout.
In what setting will you be / are you most proud of your mustache?: At home in my closet (it helps soak up the tears).
Mustaches and Full-size vans: Creepy, or poised to make a come-back?: Both and neither.
With a looming financial crisis, how do you anticipate your mustache making a difference (in a macro-economic sense)?: Using the formula M x V = P x Q where M is mustache supply, V is the velocity of mustache growth, P is the price payed in donations and Q is the quantity of mustaches; I expect that P will be higher than forecasted. Please don't ask to see my work.